I know I should know this, darling, but are you mad at me?
Baby. Holly.
I did something, right? I did something bad, right?
Should I know what it is?
Or is it something maybe you just think I did?
No, no. I did it. I did it.
It was a bad, bad thing I did, and I'm so sorry, luv.
Holly, come on, will you?
Holly, wait. Baby...
...you have to let me in on it.
Or are you waiting until we're in the apartment before you talk to me?
Are you gonna make me sleep in the bathtub again?
Oh, no, I don't know what I said.
- You said it. You know you said it. - No, I don't know what I said...
...but I didn't mean it. - You mean everything you say.
Sometimes I mean nothing when I say something.
Something is never nothing. It's always something.
Most of what I say is nothing. Just something to say.
Men say it's just something to say to get away with saying something...
...but they know they're saying something. - Say what? What did I say?
You said at my mother's, you would have a baby but I'm not ready.
To my mother! You might as well have said I'm a lesbian.
Well, I am the only man you ever had.
Oh, I dated Timmy Harrison for four months before I met you.
- Isn't he a woman now? - Aah!
You told my mother I didn't want children!
- I did not. I didn't say that. - Yes, you did.
- Yes, you did. You said exactly that. - I did not.
I didn't say that you weren't ready to have a baby. I said that you wanted to wait.
Which means I don't want one right now.
- Right. - Thank you.
Wait a minute. I'm confused. Can I get a ruling on this?
No, you're not confused. You're just wrong.
"Holly doesn't wanna have a baby. " We had a plan, Gerry.
To wait to have children until we could buy an apartment...
...put 25 percent of each paycheck into a separate joint account...
...with a 6.25 interest for 5 years. Why didn't you tell my mother that?
Ha-ha-ha. Each paycheck?
Darling, you only just started getting regular paychecks.
- You quit five jobs in two years, remember? - Well, I can't work for idiots.
- They can't all be idiots. - Yes, they can.
They can all be idiots. And why didn't you tell my mother...
...about the business loan you and John took out without asking me?
Oh... Aha!
You see, you... You finally said it.
- I knew that's why you're angry. - That's not the reason.
It is not the reason.
- It is the reason. - We should have waited.
Waited for what? What? I've been driving limos for four years, Holly.
So John and me, we wanna start a business. We buy a few cars, we get a few clients.
That's a career right there. What is your problem?!
What if it doesn't work? What if we always have to live here?
And what about what I want, huh?
You think I wanna be a real estate agent...
...showing apartments to buy that I can never live in?
There may be other things I wanna do with my life.
- Okay. Like what? - I don't know. Other things.
Then quit, all right? The job makes you cranky at home every bloody day anyway.
- You wanna have a baby? Let's do it. - See?
- I hate when you do that. - Hah. Do what?
"Let's have a baby. " La-la-la!
In a five-floor walkup we can barely move in. I'd change diapers on the windowsill.
You have to have a plan. You can't act like everything's just gonna work out by itself.
Why do I have to be the responsible grownup who worries?
Why can't I be the cute, carefree Irish guy who sings all the time?
Because you can't sing without making dogs bark.
Look, Holly, people have babies with no money all the time.
If you're so worried about it, why don't you stop buying designer clothes?
I buy everything on eBay.
It doesn't count when you're wearing Marc Jacobs from Minneapolis.
Do you want to have a baby?
- Do you? - Yes, I do.
- See? - See what?
I know what you're really saying even when you don't say it.
You mean the two conversations thing.
The one we're having and the one you think we're having.
You said that to my mother because you're mad at me for not wanting children yet...
...and because I'm no fun anymore and we don't have enough hot, nasty sex...
...because I'm always bitching about bills. Why don't you just be honest and say it?
Say what you mean.
All right.
I wish we had more hot, nasty sex.
Or the other kind is fine.
What you're really saying is this isn't the life you wanted, is it?
Well, that's not what I'm saying. Is that what you're saying?
And what if this is it, Gerry? What if this is all there is to our life?
- What do you mean? - It means this is it.
We're a married couple who own a limo company...
...who may or may not have children, end of story.
- Well, what other story do you want? - I don't know. L...
What do you want, Hol? What?
Because I'm tired of trying to figure it out.
You want a bigger apartment? I'll take a second job.
You want a child, you don't want a child. What?
I know what I want because I have it in my hands right now.
Do you? Do you know what you want?
Because you better tell me now if I'm not it.
Or what? You gonna leave?
- You want me to leave? - Lf you wanna leave.
- Don't use me as an excuse. - I'll leave if you want me to.
Then leave if you wanna go.
- Don't push me. - You wanna leave, just say goodbye.
Oh, that's me bollocks!
- Stop acting bilingual. - Oh, kiss me arse.
Kiss mine in English!
Are we finished now, luv? Can I come back?
Yeah.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry, luv. Ahhh. - I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I said the wrong thing to your mother.
God, I still get nervous around her.
I still think after nine years, she doesn't like me.
I know I'm being stupid.
No, you're not being stupid, baby. She doesn't like you.
Really? And I thought deep down, she really loved me.
No, she doesn't. I was 19 when we got married.
And you corrupted me with sex and charm...
...and the longer it takes you to make your fortune, the less sexy and charming you are.
Hmm.
What? What are you looking for?
Me balls. They were hanging there a minute ago.
My mother said it was a mistake marrying you because I loved you too much.
"It won't last. "
I don't wanna make any mistakes, Gerry.
Well, you're in the wrong species, luv. Be a duck.
My baby.
We're not a mistake just because we don't have any money.
And we are gonna last.
You know how I know?
Because I still wake up every morning...
...and the first thing I want to do is see your face.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I see people buying bigger apartments and having babies.
I get so afraid sometimes our life's never gonna start.
No, baby.
We're already in our life.
It's already started. This is it.
You have to stop waiting, baby.
And Hol, you can't keep eating me head off, telling me to leave.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not your dad.
Or don't you know that yet?
I should get my shoes.
They're all over the place. They're gonna think I don't love them.
Whoo!
Shake it, baby.
Do the stomach shake.
Whoo!
Oh! Ow! Aah! Ooh!
My eye! I'm blind.
Oh, I just wanna lick your little Glaswegian chocolate.
Okay, okay. I can't believe I'm in love with a leprechaun.
- Oh, wait. The light. You were up last. - The light?
- No. - You were up last.
But I'm not up now, am I? Baby, look, I'm injured. My eye.
God. A pain in me hole.
That's a good girl. That's a good girl.
Come on, get back to bed or I'm gonna start without you.
Aah! Shit.
- You okay? - Shit, no! My toe! Oh! Ow!
I tell you what. Someone should get a light, that side of the bed. It's ridiculous.
Ridiculous.
- I'll get my next husband to do it. - Oh, come here.
Next husband. Oh-ho-ho. Next husband. Come here, you.
I'm sorry I lose my mind sometimes.
- Did it hurt you? Let me look. - Will you shut up and kiss me, okay?
You crazy bitch. Pain in me hole.
Oh, Daniel, we forgot those Thanksgiving decorations. Will you take them down?
Sure, Mrs. Reilly. Where do you want them?
Patricia. In the skinny closet. Have you got the key?
No, I don't.
I'll make you a set next week.
And ask Gerry's drivers to close the curtains, will you?
Sure.
Go ahead. Thanks.
- John. - What?
- Oh, Denise. - Hi.
- Oh, it's good to see you. - Do I have to help?
- No, you do not have to help. - Good.
- Sharon, you look great. - Hi.
- Hi. This is good. - So do you.
- Am I late? - No. This is gorgeous.
Wait till you see Gerry. You're gonna die.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Well, as Gerry would say, let's get this party started.
Gerry Kennedy did not want a lot of words. He preferred music.
He was a unique young man...
...as you can see by the urn he had designed by the love of his life...
...his wife, Holly.
His life may be over for now, but we can still hear it.
He lives in us forever in our hearts...
...like his favorite song.
Got on a lucky one
Came in eighteen to one
I've got a feeling
This year's for me and you
So happy Christmas
I love you, baby
I can see a better time
When all our dreams come true
- You're a bum, you're a punk - You're an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead On a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot You cheap, lousy faggot
Happy Christmas, your arse I pray God it's our last
The boys of the NYPD choir Still singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells are ringing out For Christmas Day
Aww.
Mama, how you doing?
- Ciara. - Oh, sis, good to see you.
- Oh, good to hold you. - Oh.
Hello, Gerry.
- Hi, I'm Denise. - Matt.
- I love your tie. - Oh, thanks.
- Are you single, Matt? - Yes.
- Are you gay? - Yes.
Okay.
Did Holly call his parents? Why aren't they here?
I did, I spoke to the mother.
His father's just had another operation. He's not supposed to travel.
So why didn't she come alone?
I mean, it's Ireland, it's not Japan. It was their only son.
Don't ask me.
- Hi. - Hi.
- I like your chain. - Thanks.
- Denise. - George.
- Are you single? - Yes.
- Are you gay? - No.
- Are you working? - No.
You make a ravishing widow, sis.
Thanks.
I'm so glad you're here, but it's so far. I would've understood.
No, I'm done with Australia. Besides, Gerry wrote me I had to.
He wrote you?
Yeah, a couple of months ago. Probably because of Mom.
He knew I'd have melodrama for her to play with...
...while you pull yourself together.
Can I get you anything?
Mm.
- I'm sorry about your loss. - Thanks.
How did he die?
- A brain tumor. - Nice!
So that's a great looking urn.
I wish I were that creative.
I buried my dog in a stereo box.
It's not the same.
- I love your suit. - Thanks.
- Are you single? - Yes.
- Are you gay? - No.
- Are you working? - Yes.
- Denise. - Sam.
Oh.
When Gerry and I went to a bank to apply for a business loan...
...I was a little nervous. Gerry told me:
"Relax, these people are never gonna give us the money...
...so we might as well have some fun. "
No, don't clean.
No, I have to do something. I can't talk anymore.
- Wanna stay with us while your sister's here? - No.
I think...
You know, I think I should be home.
I think I need to be...
...home. - Well...
...this is your home too, you know.
But that's good. Get back on your feet.
That's a good thing.
Hey, it's Gerry at Enniskerry Limo.
Leave a message.
Hey, it's Gerry at Enniskerry Limo. Leave a message.
Holly? It's Mom. Are you all right?
Are you showering? Don't make me worry.
I'm worried you're not calling me back.
I know it's hard, honey, but don't lock yourself in. It's been over a week.
- I'm here, okay? Hey, it's Denise.
Listen, I buzzed your apartment. Nobody's heard from you.
Where are you? All right, call somebody. I love you.
I'll make him pay for it. I will.
Whatever you might do, I can do more...
...because I know how to fight better than you.
Why can't I be Bette Davis?
All right? I mean, the job...
...makes you cranky at home every bloody day anyway.
You wanna have a baby? Let's do it.
See? I hate when you do that. Hah. Do what?
"Let's have a baby. " La-la-la!
In a five-floor walkup we can barely move in.
You can't act like everything's just gonna work out by itself, Gerry.
Why do I have to be the responsible grownup who worries?
If you're killed, I'll be free.
If I'm killed, it really doesn't matter.
If we both die, good riddance!
Go ahead, crash it. Crash it!
Gerry, get the light.
It's your turn.
Mmm.
I just want to see you
When you're all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates I can't escape
I love you till the end
- Do all Irishmen sing? - Heh.
I'll love you till the end
Ah. Only the really well-hung ones.
I can't fall asleep alone.
I'm right here, baby.
I had a terrible dream.
Don't tell me.
Gerry, I don't wanna go back to work.
- What should I do? - Quit.
Stay here with me.
I don't have a plan, Gerry.
That's okay, luv, your plans never work out anyway.
Hmm.
That's true.
And all because of the man
That got away
No more his eager call
The writing's on the wall
The dreams you dreamed Have all
Gone astray
The man that won you Has run off and undone you
That great beginning Has seen a final inning
Don't know what happened
It's all a crazy game
No more that all-time thrill
For you've been
Through the mill
And never a new love
Will be the same
Good riddance, goodbye...
Whoo!
Happy birthday!
You're 30!
Hey, Holly...
...these were falling out of your mailbox.
What is that smell?
I wasn't expecting company. Mom, don't clean.
- I'm not. I'll just organize the garbage. - We did try to call first.
- Are you drunk? - No.
- Do you wanna be? - Ciara.
What happened to your head?
Pimple.
- You're not showering? - You always squeeze it too hard.
- What is that smell? - It's me, all right?
Hey, hey, hey. Don't be like that.
- Like what? - Like the only lonely widow in Gotham City.
I'm just... exhausted.
Yeah, well, what are you doing, two shows a night?
You know, if you want us to leave, that's fine...
...but you do know that at some point, this all has to stop.
All right.
Just give me a second, okay? I'll get cleaned up.
- Okay, troops, let's sweep the area. - Yes.
I haven't called the office. Are they mad?
Nah. There's no rush.
Even Larry said, "Take all the time you need. The job is there when you're ready. "
That was nice of him.
- He's an asshole. - He's still an asshole.
Do you think it'll be all right if I stop my life right here?
Become the Miss Havisham of the Lower East Side.
Never leave my apartment till I'm old.
- Sit in my wedding dress. - Which you never had.
- With an old piece of wedding cake. - Which you never had.
You gotta be rich to be insane, Hol.
Losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle class.
I'll get it. - That's so not fair.
No, it's not.
Holly? Something's been delivered for you.
What is this?
- I don't understand. Did you do this? - No.
Wait a minute.
- John, tell me the truth. Did you do this? - No. I did nothing, I swear.
Hey, baby. Surprise.
I know this probably feels a little bit morbid...
...but I just hate the idea that I'm not gonna be there...
...to see you freak out over turning 30. I mean, it kills me not to be there.
Heh-heh. That's funny.
- No, it's not. - Okay. No, it's not.
You're gonna be so impressed. I have a plan, baby. Can you believe it?
I've written you letters. Letters that will be coming to you all sorts of ways.
I waited till your birthday. I figured you weren't stepping out of the house...
...for a while. Letter number one will be arriving tomorrow.
Now, you must do what I say, okay?
Okay?
Don't try to figure out how the letters are coming.
It's too brilliant and it'll ruin my plan. Just go along with me on this.
Because the thing is, I just can't say goodbye yet.
So for starters...
...I want you to get dolled up, and just go out and celebrate tonight.
Go out with your girlies.
I hereby free you from a party with your family, especially your mom.
Oh, man, your mom's there, isn't she?
Mm. Shit.
Sorry, Patricia.
It isn't that I don't love you...
...but she needs to get a little crazy. So have a slice of the bloody cake...
...put on your dress and get out of the apartment.
- Denise, make a plan. - I'm on it!
- I'll help. - Just leave me with John, okay?
And know that wherever I am, I'm missing you.
Happy birthday.
I love you.
- Come on. - Look, it's a private gay club.
Yes, but we are on the list. My colorist called and he's gay.
Gay colorist in New York? Like sand on the beach.
Listen, Crystal. Don't mess with her.
- He's a very good colorist. - Uh-huh.
And she's the princess of Finland.
And she's here on matters of critical political importance.
And she's here to extend the hand of friendship from Finland...
...to homosexuals... That's us!
...throughout the tri-city area.
What?
Thanks.
Great. You're fired.
Okay. "Snaps" is the name of the game. The name of the game is "Snaps. "
Make sure you pay attention.
Ready?
Have you got it?
Mariah Carey?
I don't get it.
- Paul. - God, he's been dead, like what?
- Fifteen years. - Unbelievable.
- Can you believe that? - You remember Steve?
Steve was so sweet. He was a good guy.
- Honey, don't be so Miss Doom and Gloom. - You'll be fine.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
"Snaps" is the name of the game.
The name of the game is "Snaps. "
- Do you hear me? - Yeah.
Ready? Keep looking.
Derek Jeter!
- Come on. No. - How?
This is a stupid game.
Sorry.
What are you doing?
Trying to figure out why God killed my husband.
Well, if you need any help with that, let me know.
- Ow! - Sorry. Heh.
- Daniel? - Yeah.
So why do you think?
Your husband died?
Maybe you're being punished for something.
- What? - Being too happy? Too beautiful?
I don't know. God can be a pretty jealous guy.
I don't believe that. I've never been too happy. I'm not too beautiful.
I think you're hot.
Sorry, I have a syndrome.
I don't really have a filter. I don't pick up on social cues.
You mean you're rude?
Yeah, but now it's a disease I can take medication for.
They have pills for rudeness?
I know. And they can't figure out the Middle East. Go figure.
Hey, you're Irish. Maybe it's an Irish curse or something.
Well, Gerry and I did love the Yankees...
...which was pretty much against our religion.
Well, there you go.
That explains a lot, actually. I love the Yankees too, and I lost my fiancée last year.
Really?
Yeah, she slept with my best friend. She left me.
Oh...
My best friend was a woman.
Oh.
Her last words to me were, "I'd still be with you if you weren't a man. "
And I'm like:
"Well, castrating me is definitely the first step toward achieving that particular goal. "
It's still my fault. I introduced them.
I always had this fantasy about making love to two women at the same time.
Except in my fantasy, I was still in the bed for the second and third time.
- Sorry. - Then this'll make you feel great.
The best friend that my ex-fiancée slept with was my ex-ex-fiancée...
...and she was my business partner, and we started the business with my money.
So I ended up losing the business, my partner and my fiancée.
How'd you get over that?
I went through, like, a major hooker phase all year.
But that didn't help.
No, it helped a lot. I just started to run out of money.
It's actually a lot cheaper to date.
Do you think that you're gonna ever find another woman to love?
No.
No, I think I repel the women that I want the most.
That's not true.
No?
Thank you, Daniel.
You can start closing up downstairs.
Right.
What do you want?
- Oh, good. A friendly voice. Oh.
What happened last night?
Lemon drops and tequila, my friend.
The moment where a 30-year-old body does not recover quite as fast...
...as a 29-year-old body.
Stop screaming at me.
- Are you working? - Hell, no.
But I told him we're gonna start next week. We'll go out starting Monday.
- Is that okay? - No, I was planning on...
...staying in bed and dying today.
Well, you can't.
You gotta go check the mailbox, remember?
Call me immediately.
Save yourself bruises and buy yourself a bedside lamp.
And remember, a disco diva must look her best.
Go buy yourself a knock-out outfit. You'll need it for when my next letter comes.
Need it for what?
And I know you hate your job, but I'll help.
Look for a sign. You'll know what to do.
P.S. I love you.
I still know you're around.
You're still here, aren't you?
So who lived here before?
A family. They're having another baby. So do you have any children?
Three. Girls. Teenagers.
That's nice.
Uh-huh.
Ted, Sharon says there's another offer on the table...
...and we have to move on this.
I think if you offer another hundred grand, they'll back down.
Well, maybe we should talk about it.
We don't have time, Ted. We have to tell her today.
We didn't wanna go over...
I know, but we love this apartment, and it is what it is.
There's nothing else. This is what an apartment costs.
- We're already beyond our cap. - We'll make it work...
- Think about another area. - I am not living in Brooklyn.
- Will you listen to him? What?
He's obviously worried about this.
- Look at him. He's pale. - Hol.
Who are you to tell me how to talk to my husband?
You shouldn't push this on him if he doesn't want to.
I'll push what I want on him. He's my husband.
I want this apartment.
- Say no, Ted. - It is amazing that you are still talking.
- Don't listen to her. - Ted, she's being a tyrant.
She's got your balls on one of those things that cling back and forth.
- You know? - Yeah.
- You bitch. - Brat.
- Shut up! - You shut up!
No, you shut up! I will end you, and when I do...
- You know what? I'll tell you... - No. No. No. Okay, tell me.
He's my husband, I'll talk to him the way I want to. I'm not living in Brooklyn!
Do you know who I am? What's wrong with Brooklyn, lady?
Are you Holly Kennedy?
- Lf I am, will you sing? - Yes.
- No, I'm not. - Please don't make this an issue.
- I gotta sing and deliver a letter. - A letter? What's the song?
- "Yah Mo Be There. " - Just give me the letter.
- I could get reported. - By the leprechaun union?
You know, I was in an off-Broadway play with Al goddamn Pacino.
I don't need this shit. You want the balloons?
- No. - Fine.
You bastard.
There's no way I'm doing this.
Yes, you are. - No, I'm not.
- Oh, yes, you are. - Oh, no, I'm not.
Remember the last time?
All you wanna do is ride around, Sally
Ride, Sally, ride
All you wanna do is ride around, Sally
Ride, Sally, ride
Yeah!
One of these early mornings
You gonna be
Wiping those weeping eyes
Those weeping eyes, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you very much.
Oh, my God.
Whoo! - One more!
Okay. I guess it's time to give somebody else a chance here now.
Who wants a shot?
Anybody else here willing to give it a go?
Yourself? No? Young lady.
Come on. Don't be shy.
- What about Holly? - Stop it.
Holly. I don't know about that, John.
Holly's my wife, by the way. My beautiful wife.
And I do... I love Holly, I do.
But she would never have the guts...
Oh!
...to do something like this.
Oh, no.
In fact, she ate me head off about coming out tonight.
You know, she had a long day at the office.
Ah. She'll never do it.
Yep.
Oh, you think so?
You think she'd get up here? Okay, I'll bet you 100 dollars...
...she doesn't get up on this stage. Oooh.
Make it two.
- What is she doing? What is she doing? - Ha-ha-ha.
That's my wife, the surpriser.
How can I put this in a way
So as not to offend or unnerve
Holly!
There's a rumor going all around That you ain't been getting served
All right.
They say that you ain't you know what In, baby, who knows how long
It's hard for me to say what's right When all I wanna do is wrong
Get off Twenty-three positions in a one-night stand
Get off I'll only call you after if you say I can
Get off, let a woman be a woman And a man be a man
Get off If you want to, baby
Here I am Here I...
Oh! - Oh, God!
Do you mind coffee?
How do you feel? You look good.
I'm sorry, baby, but I have to say you were really good before...
My nose is broken, Gerry. My ankle is twisted. Happy?
- Are you mad at me? - I didn't wanna go out...
...and you made me.
I hate karaoke and you forced me to go up there.
Come on, honey. It was nobody's fault.
Oh, come here, baby. Give me a...
Give me a kiss.
Well, how long are you gonna be mad for?
I never let him off the hook.
Anytime I was mad, I made him feel bad.
I was mad when we left the house that night.
I was mad at him because our apartment was too small. So stupid.
Baby, you were married.
Married people make each other feel like shit on purpose sometimes.
It just feels good.
Gerry knew you were crazy about him. He told me all the time.
Well, I wish I would've told him that night.
So tell him now.
It's slightly dirty. Just slightly.
Ooh.
He's delicious, isn't he?
You could serve coffee on that ass.
Do you have to be so vulgar about men, like they're pieces of meat?
I'm sorry, John. I forgot you're sensitive about your flat ass.
Hoh.
You know, Denise, that's why you're not married.
- Ahem. - Women act like men...
...then they complain men don't want them.
Oh, is that why? Oh.
Okay. Because I thought it was something different.
I thought it was because I thought that I deserve the best.
And he's out there. He's just with all the wrong women.
And let me be clear.
After centuries of men looking at my tits instead of my eyes...
...and pinching my ass instead of shaking my hand...
...I now have the divine right to stare at a man's backside...
...with vulgar, cheap appreciation if I want to.
- Well said. - I thought so.
New York City, how we doing? Huh?
- Hey, guys, we're here! Yay!
Give a warm welcome to our next singer.
Rumor has it this is her return engagement. Put your hands together...
...for Holly.
This is for you, Gerry, you son of a bitch.
I just wanna tell you
Nothing you don't want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Oh, why don't you just take me Where I've never been before?
I know you want to hear me Catch my breath
I love you till the end
Okay, let me get this straight.
You're straight, you're single, and you own your own business?
It's my own club.
I'm doing a big renovation right now.
- It'll open in the spring. - Mm-hm.
I could show it to you if you want. It's over on Tenth Avenue. Wanna go?
Great.
Yeah. Let me just do one thing first.
Mm.
What's my name?
- Tom. - Where have you been?
With all the wrong women.
Hmm.
- Hey. - Hi.
Hey, Gerry. You lost weight.
Thanks for inviting me.
You're a terrible singer.
Yes, I am.
- I'd be really embarrassed if I were you. - Did you take your medication today?
No, I thought I'd come here instead.
Say, I'm feeling kind of hungry. You feel like getting a bite or something to drink?
No, I'm... I don't think so.
- It's all right. - Thanks.
I don't mean to throw this at you, but what do women want?
I can't figure it out. They want us to ask.
They don't want us to ask. They want us to make a move, not make a move.
They want us to be on bottom, be on top.
Use hair products, don't use hair products.
What do you people want?
I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to say I told you.
- L... I swear. - Because it's a sacred secret.
Sacred secret.
- You ready? You sure? - Yeah. I think so.
Come here.
We have absolutely...
...no idea what we want.
- I knew it! I knew that! Son of a bitch! - Ooh!
Yeah.
Look, if you ever just wanna get out...
...just do anything, just...
I'll wait for your call.
And just so you know, I'm not looking for a thing right now.
- I'm just flirting in good faith. - I appreciate that.
Maybe we can defy God...
...and go see a Yankees game. - Yeah.
We'll be really weird friends, joined by self-pity, bitterness and vomit.
- I'd like that. - Me too.
My leather jacket is for you. I always loved the way that looked on you.
But the rest of my stuff, you don't need it.
Make some space in that bloody apartment for yourself. Go on.
It's time, baby.
P.S. I love you.
I think you're a little bit perverted.
I mean, you bring me to an Irish famine memorial...
...and we're eating corned beef sandwiches. That's pretty sick.
Gerry thought it was the best way to honor the dead.
You know, show them how well we're doing.
I'm sorry I always bring him up.
Yeah, I'm starting to get a little bit sick of it.
Now that's a real honest-to-goodness couple right there.
They've probably been together since the Flood.
We're so arrogant, aren't we?
We're so afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it.
We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone...
...someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder.
Or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair.
It's sweet.
It's good, huh?
Can I ask you a favor? Sure.
I started bagging up Gerry's stuff. Couldn't finish.
I think I need someone who didn't know him to get rid of it all.
Be happy to help you get rid of Gerry.
- Do you have to say it like that? - Like what?
- What is wrong with you? Take a pill. - Nothing. What?
What's wrong?
Nothing, I...
I've just never been alone with another man in this apartment besides Gerry.
Want me to stand out in the hall? You can just throw me the boxes.
No. Heh.
That's okay.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna change.
Look through stuff. If there's anything you want...
...just let me know. - Okay.
Mm.
I can't remember the last time somebody held me like this.
Did you find a new husband yet?
Shut up.
Where have you been?
- I haven't felt you around lately. - Oh, please.
I've been so around.
Mm.
I can feel you hugging me.
That's because I am.
You look great.
This is the one.
- Are you Barbara? - Yes, may I help you?
I hope so.
You're his wife.
He was here?
So I don't understand. You're taking a vacation?
It's a trip.
Gerry planned the whole thing for me and Sharon and Denise.
You think it's the best time to vacation?
Gerry made all the arrangements. I have to go.
Have you spoken to Daniel? Thought you two were spending time together.
We're just friends, Mom.
I've stood by and not said anything about all this, but now I think it's time it stopped.
- What do you mean? - It's not healthy.
Gerry's not gonna be able to keep this up forever, is he?
His life ended, and so will his letters.
You're gonna have to face things on your own.
It was a gift from Gerry.
And how can you say that?
My husband was 35 years old. He wasn't supposed to die.
But he did. It was awful.
It's what happens.
But his death is a part of your life now. And you have to deal with it.
Stop saying that like I'm not dealing with it. I am.
How? By waiting for a letter from a dead husband?
Taking a vacation? When your father left, I had two children to support.
- Excuse me for not having any children. - That's not how I meant it and you know it.
Your father leaving was just as devastating.
But I did what I needed to do and got on with it.
- It's not the same thing. - Why not?
My husband died. He was taken. He didn't wanna go, he didn't wanna leave.
Yes, my husband wanted to leave.
And it's so much easier being abandoned by choice, is it?
I've had my say.
I won't say anymore.
So where's he sending you?
Oh, my God.
Get the bags.
Oh.
- All right. - She just elbowed me.
Know what? If that's an indication of how this trip's gonna be, I won't have it.
Is that her bag? Is that her bag?
- Leave it. Don't take it in. - This is ridiculous.
Holly?
- This is heavy. - I know.
Holly!
Look.
"Hey, Big Mama. Make sure my baby has a good time.
Make sure you and John do everything you wanna do...
...whenever you wanna do it.
And make sure my baby does things.
- I want you to take her fishing. " - Oh, God.
He's been wanting to get me on a lake since forever.
"And be sure to give yourself a big, sweaty pony-boy kiss from me. "
Ugh. Jerk. He will never let me forget my bachelorette party.
Joey the Pony Boy.
- Tony. - Tony.
Tony, I remember him. I bet I have a letter too.
Where would he hide one for me?
Bedroom.
"Denise, take Holly to Whelan's, my favorite pub.
There's beautiful music to be heard, beautiful people to be around.
And Denise, you're going to heaven for being my baby's friend.
I'm making all the arrangements up here for you.
Got a few hot men lined up. I hear Ben Franklin's hung like a racehorse.
Love you. "
- I don't know how you do this. - Let me see it.
What?
He didn't leave me a letter.
Well, probably didn't love you...
...as much as us. - Mm-mm.
Oh my God, look at that. Look at that!
Oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh. Please let me buy him as a souvenir.
- He's coming this way. - He's coming.
How long has it been?
How long has what been?
How long has it been?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- You're gonna go talk to him. Oh, yeah. - Mm. No.
You just heard him. Say how much you like it, flatter him. Go.
We don't have those in the States.
Go, go. We don't make those.
- You're ready. - Go! Do it for us. Go on.
Where'd she go? - What are you doing? Go ahead!
I'm an old married widow.
Oh, you've got much better stuff than those tarts. You're experienced.
You're American. You got foreign exotic stuff going...
There's nothing exotic about being an American.
- He doesn't know that. - We'll help you.
- Just take it off. No, no, no!
Listen! You're gonna do what we say.
I'm gonna hurt you. I'll pull your hair.
You look hot. Put your shoulders back. Puff your hair a little.
- You're so sexy. Go. - Yeah, you look hot. Do it!
Hi.
I just wanted to say I really loved your music.
You're beautiful. I mean... I mean... Sorry.
Your music is beautiful.
Thanks... Um...
- Holly. - William.
- You're American? - Yeah.
And what brings you to Ireland?
Holiday. Oh, well, with my girlfriends.
- Hi. - Hi.
Good. Good to have you here.
- Heh. Thanks. - I have one more song to play.
Will you stay and have a listen?
It's an American song about a local girl. I think you'll like it.
- Sure. - Good.
Grand.
So I'll see you after, then?
Okay, sure.
Em...
This is an American song dedicated to Holly.
I hope you enjoy it.
Well, I took a stroll on the old long walk
Of a day I-ay-I-ay
I met a little girl and we stopped to talk Of a fine soft day I-ay
And I ask you, friend Well, what's a fella to do
'Cause her hair was black And her eyes were blue
And I knew right then I'd be takin' a whirl
Round the Salthill Prom With a Galway girl
That's a very nice jacket.
I won it in a bet.
We were halfway there When the rain came down
Of a day
L- ay-I-ay
And she asked me up to her flat downtown Of a fine soft day I-ay
And I ask you, friend What's a fella to do
'Cause her hair was black And her eyes were blue
Enough of this.
Why does he want me to remember all these things that make it harder?
It's cruel.
I don't know, baby. But I don't think he means to be cruel.
What does he mean?
I don't know.
Come on, let's go. We're taking you back.
- I think you should find William. - No.
I left without saying anything. He must think I'm an idiot.
Well, you're an American. They expect us to be idiots.
Don't push her.
If she's not ready, she's not ready.
Although if memory serves me correctly, Holly...
...the longer you go without sex, the meaner and bitchier you get.
- Eat me. - Hello.
Well, I'm really mad at Gerry.
Maybe that's why he did it. You have to stop wanting him at some point.
When?
- Grab the pole! - What?
- You've got a fish! - It's a fish!